Pets On A Train

Pets On A Train is simultaneously the blandest and strangest children’s animation in some time. The film follows Falcon, a raccoon thief who boards a train containing only pets that is sabotaged by the evil badger Hans and on a collision course with a crash, can Mr. Falcon (eyeroll) save the pets at Christmas no less. In case you didn’t notice this is a Die Hard parody with countless other references to 80s/90s action flicks (kids love Cobra amirite) and to say that is an odd choice is an understatement. However the few jokes that do work (yes some jokes actually made me laugh) are built off of those references and in jokes along with some shockingly dark and off color humor. The rest is just rinse repeat kids stuff, the film is an english dub of a french animation called Falcon Express, maybe that version leans harder into the oddball stuff. At the end of the day Pets On A Train is just there to get whatever young eyes on it before Wicked: For Good and Zootopia 2 dominate the family market. You could do worse but why not just wait for better.

I Give It 2 1/2 Stars!!!